The adage ‘life is full of ups and downs’ did not ring a bell in my teens and early twenties. At that time, I encountered more ups than downs and saw every stone thrown my way as a building block. Very few things fazed me. What was there to fear? I was young, sometimes single, had a job, and was miles away from home. When you are in this euphoric state, losing yourself is the least of your worries.
Though I was a relatively conscious and responsible young adult, I still believe getting older made me take life a bit more seriously. If you have been privileged to step into the glories of adulthood, then it is no news that you’ve unlearned and relearned a few of life’s dynamics. Last year was one of such milestones for me, and I was required to put someone else’s needs ahead of mine.
Becoming a mother made me realize the true meaning of “sacrificial love.” I had to step into shoes bigger than my mind’s eye conceptualized. No amount of reading, advice, or imagination prepared me for the realities of caring for a child. Whether you are experiencing the nuances of motherhood, attending to a relative, managing a new job or relationship, letting go of an old one, etc. I trust the tips below can help you navigate any season without losing yourself.
Do these three things to avoid losing yourself
Consider reading: Personality Types: Four Simple Reasons Why You See Certain People As Idiots.
Diss your to-do List – when necessary
Some of us have an overestimated view of our abilities. At least I do. The past year taught me that sometimes we can’t do everything perfectly. Accepting my imperfections and inadequacies gave me immense peace.
I remember calling my mom one particularly stressful day and ranting non-stop about how hard taking care of my baby was. How impossible it seems to get everything on my to-do list done in time. After patiently listening, my mom responded, “Joan, you don’t need to do everything. Just do what you can and leave the rest for the next day.” In simple terms, being a mother means prioritizing – so let go of that long to-do list.
This wasn’t the advice I was seeking. As a choleric who prides herself in getting things done, ignoring my to-do list sounded ridiculous, but it worked. I learned to prioritize and let some things go without feeling guilty. If you feel overwhelmed, do what needs to be done, and don’t burden yourself with things that can wait.
Spend some time alone
This can be a hard thing to do if you are a caretaker. It sometimes feels like your entire existence is circled around the other person’s needs. l had this feeling for a long time after having my son. I spent every waking day tending to his needs and later realized I was slowly forgetting about myself. Anxiety made me forsake all other things to make this one new thing work.
Thanks to my sister, I have had the opportunity to spend some well-needed time alone, exercise, meditate, read, and start this blog. Engaging in the things I love doing during my alone time has helped me rediscover myself and become a better parent. We cannot give more than we have internally. If you are stressed and unhappy, give yourself some alone time to recoup, and you will return refreshed.
Surround yourself with people you love
Human beings cannot survive in isolation. Spending time with friends and family is vital. Not only does this improve your mental health, but it enables you to create new memories and stop you from losing yourself. Research shows that loneliness and social isolation can trigger negative health conditions such as depression, poor sleep quality, and impaired executive function, to name a few.
Most people feel lonely during major life changes, and being with family can help reduce the adverse effects of loneliness. In my case, spending time with my family and catching up with friends has brought back a feeling of being alive again. You should reach out to your friends and family sometimes for emotional support. It works!
Do you feel lost? Or have you experienced this feeling before? I would love to learn from you. Kindly share your thoughts, and how you navigated this season in the comment section.