The third term holiday season is one of the most exciting times for students in Cameroon as they get to visit family, play with friends, and engage in different activities. I loved the third-term holidays. Not just because there was no school for three months, but because it was a time when I got to make new friends and learn new things.
It was during one of these holiday seasons at my grandparent’s home in the village that my sisters and I learned how to make brooms, produce garri, harvest corn, cassava, and groundnuts, and scout for wild spices. Spending time in the village equally gave me a different view of people and an appreciation for the things I had and the life my mom struggled relentlessly to give my sisters and me.
A holiday lesson on leading with kindness
My aunty, my sisters and I came across a very popular special needs guy on our way to the farm one early morning. Most people in the community considered him mad. He was one of the aggressive ones, and on this particular day, he was rooming around the church building with an uneasy look. But when my aunt engaged him in a conversation, his demeanour changed. They both went into a long discussion about how he was and what he was doing in front of the church house that early in the morning.
I wasn’t sure what she said to him that made him but he immediately opted to follow us to the farm and help with the harvesting. We made our way to my aunt’s multipurpose cassava, corn, beans, groundnut and cocoyam farm which was about an hour and thirty minutes walk (trust me, that was a short distance according to my aunt). One thing seemed strange to me – why did my aunt accept someone aggressive and mentally unable to join us on a harvesting spray?
I was perplexed throughout the journey. Community members considered this guy mad, and I had seen him chase people with sticks and stones around countless times. But for some weird reason, while on the way to the farm with my aunty, he looked happy. He also seemed to know the road well and was familiar with everyone we met. When we got to the farm, he jumped right into harvesting the cassava and groundnuts and after about an hour and a half – at the instruction of my aunt, he took a break, headed downhill to the bottom of the farm where he picked up pears from the assorted avocado trees.
We harvested as much produce as we could carry and headed home later that evening. When we got home, my aunt prepared a meal and served us all. He ate and went home to take a bath and rest at my aunt’s instruction.
Seeing people for who they are, not what we assume about them
While at the farm, I spoke with this guy and listened to his conversations with my aunt. I knew he had dreams like most of us, and wanted to live life freely like us all. His aggression was because he was being misunderstood and constantly provoked by people who cared little about his person. That day I knew he was much more than an angry mad boy who roamed around the community. He was a lot like everyone else, but the stigma that people had put on him blinded them to see him beyond his handicap.
Although I had heard the term don’t judge a book by its cover, my experience with this guy was a firm reminder that people are not just as superficial as we see them. Even the worst of people can be something good if we look deeper and act with kindness. My aunt may not have been a psychologist, but she had kindness and love which helped her relate with him like an equal and influence him to be calm and productive.
This particular experience gave me a deeper understanding of the common saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” So how do you deal with people you don’t understand? Simple, lead with kindness, and get to know them.